Finding Your Tribe

When I was 26 years old, I was diagnosed with an aggressive case of Stage IV endometriosis.

What made my case unique, was that I had never before experienced any health problems.

I was stripped of my ability to conceive swiftly, and unexpectedly.

I was young, single, and completely lost in regards to what I was supposed to do next.

Three years, five surgeries, and two failed IVF cycles later – I am still single, but finally at a point where I am physically healthy again, while also coming to terms with the fact that I will likely never carry a child beneath my heart.

And in the last 3 months, I have started to open myself up to the idea of adopting.

Not just adopting, but adopting from foster care.

Almost entirely because of a friend, who forwarded to me some of the profiles from AFFEC.

Something has changed inside of me, and I can now see myself parenting an older child.

(Photo Courtesy of snapshotsfromourjourney.blogspot.com)

A girl most likely. One who is like I was as a kid – lost and abandoned, angry and confused, but still very much so in need of love and understanding.

I like to think I’ve grown into a pretty healthy and functioning adult, but as a teen and pre-teen girl – I was a train wreck. And I would have given just about anything for a mother’s love.

Suddenly I am realizing, I might just have what it takes to be that for someone else.

Which brings us to now, as I am starting down this new road and looking to build my family through adoption, continuing to write about my journey on the blog I began over 3 years ago.

When I first was faced with endometriosis and infertility, one of the things I quickly discovered was that no one in my life would ever really understand. They all tried so hard, but they just couldn’t get it.

They couldn’t really get me, or what I was going through, or how it all made me ache inside.

It was, hands down, the most isolating feeling I have ever experienced.

But then, I started blogging.

And just like that – this world opened up in front of me. One which was inhabited by women who got me, had been there, and understood.

Blogging was a catalyst to healing for me, and I will always be grateful for the connections it introduced into my life.

It made me realize then, that there is something to be said for finding your tribe – the people walking a similar path to your own in this life. All of our stories are unique, but there is a tie that binds even in that. Finding those connections… it really can change your life. It opens you up to perspectives, stories, and advice you may not otherwise have ever found - a community that can help to guide you, even as they are navigating the same waters themselves.

Which is why I am excited to announce that I will be working with A Family For Every Child to help make those connections even more accessible to you.

We will be putting together a blogroll in the coming weeks, right here, that will help connect you to others who are walking a similar path.

Whether you have your own blog, or are simply a reader, this will be a way to help you find your tribe.

If you want to know more about me and my story, you can find it at my blog (singleinfertilefemale.com), on facebook (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Single-Infertile-Female/110309278986538), or on twitter (@sifinalaska). I tend to write about adoption, infertility, and the perils of dating while single and infertile in Alaska.

And if you want to become a part of forming this community – please e-mail me at:

singleinfertilefemale@yahoo.com

I would love to know who you are, what your story entails, and where you are blogging at.

If you have never started a blog yourself - now might just be the time!

As the blogroll comes to fruition, I would like to eventually section out the stories these blogs are telling.

For instance – are you at the start of your adoption journey, or a seasoned parent by now? Did you adopt an older child? A child with special needs? From foster care? Internationally? Or through a traditional adoption agency?

We would love to know who you are, and what kind of community you personally would like to be connected with.

Beyond that, if your life has changed because of foster care adoption and you would like to share your story in a guest post right here – please let me know that as well. I would love to start arranging some guests posts in the future to even further help make those connections a reality.

We all have our stories to tell – but finding that connecting tie can sometimes make all the difference in the world.

So what are you waiting for? E-mail me already, and let me know if you would like your blog to be included!

I can’t wait to hear your story…

S.I.F.

singleinfertilefemale@yahoo.com

singleinfertilefemale.com

Psychotropic Medications and Foster Children

A 2011 study by the United States Government Accountability Office (GAO) revealed that foster children were prescribed psychotropic drugs at higher rate than non foster children. The study analyzed five states: Oregon, Florida, Massachusetts, Texas and Michigan. Kids in these states were 2.7 to 4.5. times more likely to be prescribed psychotropic drugs.

In Oregon 19.7 percent of children in foster care were on psychotropic drugs compared to 4.8 percent of non foster children.

A psychotropic drug is defined as being any drug that has the ability to affect/alter the mind, emotions and behavior. As per an ABC article, the five most common category of prescription psychotropic drugs include anti-psychotics, antidepressants, ADHD drugs, anti-anxiety drugs, and mood stabilizers. The article lists the specific side effects of each category of drugs. These side effects range from weight fluctuation, sleeping problems to increased suicidal thinking and behavior in children and adolescents.

Another ABC exclusive on 20/20 interviews some of the children who were prescribed these drugs along with some of their foster parents and  doctors. What they found was frightening. There were kids who weren't even teenagers that had been prescribed multiple psychotropic drugs at the same time. Children who had been taking drugs since they were four years old. Doctors who spent less than ten minutes with foster care children before prescribing psychotropic drugs. Most of the children in the investigation had advocates, usually their foster parents, who saw that something needed to change. They fought for these children and they were all weaned off their medication and began to make significant improvements in all aspects of their lives. Many of them were also adopted by their foster family!

Despite the happy ending for the kids featured in ABC's report, the over prescription of psychotropic drugs has been reported by multiple news organizations including Time, NPR, NY Times and many more. There is no denying the help that these drugs can do for some people, and even some children but are we as a society relying too heavily on the quick fix? It's no secret that kids in foster care have a more traumatic childhood and have more obstacles to overcome than the average child but are psychotropic drugs the answer?

How do you feel about prescribing psychotropic drugs to children in foster care? What about children in general? We want to hear what you think.

Family Finding

"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family.  Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."  ~Jane Howard

Families come in all shapes and sizes but there is no denying the impact they have on our lives. They are there for you during your highs and lows in life. Unfortunately not all children are fortunate enough to have caring and supportive families and often times these same kids end up in foster care.

Too often kids that enter into the foster care system loose connections to any family members, friends or important persons from their lives before they entered the system. This is why family finding programs such as the ones run by our organization are so important. Our family finding program aims to help keep children in contact with people who were in their life before they entered foster care. Such as extended family members, teachers, coaches, etc. Case workers for these children do try and reach out to these children's families but they are usually more focused on finding placements. Our program serves as an extra means of support for both the case workers and the children. We focus on finding extended family members and friends that will serve as a support system for the kids, not necessarily to find a placement for them.

We instituted our program the year we were founded. It is modeled after the Family Finding program by Kevin Campbell founder of the Seneca Center. He created the strategy in 1999 and since then has inspired and helped many other organizations to implement similar programs such as the United Nations.

Here is a video that explains more about the family finding program at A Family For Every Child:

Other organizations that use similar family finding programs include the Children's Home Society in Charlotte N.C, EMQ Families First of California and the Children Service Society of Wisconsin. The Duke Endowment is also helping organizations in North Carolina by putting more than $3 million dollars towards research for family finding programs. 

Infants in Foster Care

The Court Appointed Special Advocates for children (CASA) most recent newsletter focused on infants in the foster care system They reported that in 2010 half of the children entering foster care were under five years old.

If a child is entering foster care at such a young age it is most likely due to some type of neglect and maltreatment, which can translate into a variety of issues for the children. In Brenda Jones Harden and Carlo Panlilio's report Developmental Outcomes of Infants and Toddlers in the Child Welfare System we know a little more about what problems these kids are exposed too. The issues they discuss range from, delays in cognitive development with relation to literacy and language skills that translates into lower academic progress, delayed physical growth, and social-emotional problems. This shows just how important a child's' judge and foster parents are for these young children. They have the ability to help and support these children and reverse some of these potential problem. 

In addition to judges and foster parent who are directly involved in a child's life there are multiple organizations that provide help for these infants. One of the most influential programs being; Zero to Three (ZTT). Their mission is to promote the health and development of infants and toddlers. Just like A Family For Every Child they have a variety of programs and initiatives to support their mission, some of which focus on infants in or about to enter the foster care system. 

In order to promote the well-being of all children there are many different programs being set into motion due to the innovation of Zero to Three and many other organizations across the nation. These tactics include: 

• Pre-removal conferences- Conferences that help to reduce trauma to children .
• The creation of Court Teams Initiatives by ZTT to address developmental needs of young children in the system. 
• Programs aimed towards involving Fathers in their child's life.
• "Parent Partners" Started with the help of ZTT to provide support to parents working to regain custody of their children.  
•  Family Wellness Court to keep infants and toddlers with their families.

More initiatives and stories focused on helping toddlers in, or about to enter, foster care/welfare system can be found at the Judges' Page March Newsletter from CASA.

Foster parents for infants/toddlers can often be hard to find because this age group is notorious for being short term placements and being more susceptible to problems from pregnancy. But the parents who do foster these children can be the ones who have the most positive impact on these babies and can change their lives forever. And as outlined above there are numerous organizations and programs designed to help both the children and their foster care providers.  

Foster Care & Congress

The Hill's Congress Blog released an article about the launch of the newly created Congressional Caucus on Foster Youth. The caucus a bipartisan effort to protect the welfare of all foster children currently in the system and those who have "aged out." It is co-founded by Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.), Rep. Karen Bass (D-Calif.), Rep. Tom Marino (R-Pa.) and Rep. Jim Mc Dermott (D-Wash.) was founded in 2011.

They explained that although there have been many improvements in the foster care system, many more need to be made. They will focus on developing policy recommendation's in five primary areas:

1. Safety
2. Permanency
3. Well Being 
4. Educational Opportunities 
5. Youth, Family and Community Engagement. 

The caucus decided their first order of business will be to investigate the possible over-prescription of psychotropic drugs among foster children. The caucus also sponsored a Listening Tour headed by Rep. Karen Bass and Tom Marino. The tour served as an opportunity for Representatives to hear from those who are currently or are alumni of the foster care system, in addition to getting a first hand view of how foster care advocate organizations are run.

This video by The Fostering Media Channel to learn a little more about the Listening Tour: 

Weather your a Democrat, Republican, Independent or really could care less about politics you have to admit it is great to see the government getting involved in improving the foster care system.

Are Children Unadoptable?

Children in foster care are unadoptable. They're troublemakers, unlovable, underachievers, uneducated and will never amount to anything. 

These are just some of the stereotypes that foster kids have to face everyday. These stigmas steer possible adoptive parents from looking at great kids that are currently in the foster care system. It is these stereotypes that our organizations fights against everyday in order to secure forever families for every child.  

 The Dave Thomas Foundation is another agency that is also working towards finding adoptive parents for children in foster care. 

 The foundation utilizes five main programs in order to make sure that all the "unadoptable" kids are adopted because just like the movie says "unadoptable is unacceptable." Their signature program is Wendy's wonderful kids, which has recruiters working for children throughout the U.S.A. and Canada by using aggressive practices and tactics all in the name of finding the best home for a child. Their case workers have a very small amount of cases in order to create bigger focus on the child then they would have received normally. We are proud to say that AFFEC we work closely with many of Wendy's wonderful kids recruiters to help them place children with families in our networks.


The Dave Thomas Foundation, AFFEC and many organizations across the country all share the same focus of finding forever families for all children. We believe that every child deserves to be loved no matter what age, how many siblings they have, what their GPA is, or where they came from. 


So no, there is NO such thing as an unadoptable child.  

Michael Oher: How He Beat The Odds

Michael Oher is the perfect example to children who are in foster care, which is why his decision to write a book about his experiences is so exciting. He is the success story that we want to see happen for all kids. After his story was told through the major motion picture; The Blind Side, he became an inspiration for many kids who are currently in the foster care system.

In a recent NPR interview Oher described that after the movie came out he began to receive letters from hundreds of thousands of kids who were in the foster care system. It is because of those children that he decided to write a book about his experiences. Oher says he was hesitant at first but finally gave in because he realized how much his book could help others.

His book, I Beat The Odds: From Homelessness, to the Blind Side and Beyond, examines the foster care system from the eyes of a foster care.  From all the letters he has received it is obvious that Oher already has a connection to youth in the system. This book will even further this connection to children in foster care. It will give children hope to see how someone in their position can beat the odds and become a successful and thriving individual.

We are excited to see the response to the book. Hopefully we will see many kids across the nation with a renewed hope that they will be able to find their forever family!

Princess For A Day

Our 4th annual Princess For A Day event is rapidly approaching. For those of you who have not heard about this event it is a day for Oregon girls to be treated like a Princess. It is a gift to girls in foster care and a fun outing for girls part of the general community.

We partner with other community media outlets and business partners in order to raise awareness of foster children in Lane county.

It is an opportunity for girls, ages 2-18 to dress up in and take home a crown, gown and slippers. Princess also receive the "royal treatment" which means they get their hair, nails and make up done in addition to their own photo-shoot. She is then escorted to the royal tea party where the princess and her King/Queen (parent or guardian) are treated to lunch. 

Here is a look at last years event:

This is a gift for foster care children so they are able to attend for free. Those who are a part of general admission have to pay a $50 fee but it goes directly towards sponsoring a girl in foster care. 

To learn more about the event or sign up your child go to our page at: 

http://www.afamilyforeverychild.org/Announce/Princess_Event/2012PrincessIndex.php

Last year we were able to serve over 325 Princesses throught the generosity of Families all over the country. This year we hope to reach even more children so we can pamper both girls who are in foster care and those who are not.

For those of you who don't have a child to bring or are out of stat you can still become a Fairy Godparent by sponsoring a child.

Although there are a lot of dedicated people who volunteer their time and services we are always on the look out for more help. We are appreciative of any type of princess gear (clothing, shoes, accessories, make-up etc.), volunteers and donations of any amount.

We are so grateful of everyones continued support of this event and look forward to March 4th!

Foster Parent Resources

Today we were informed about some great resources for foster parents; a book titled The Foster Parenting Toolbox.  The handbook, which is edited by Kim Phagan-Hansel of Fostering Families today Magazine, contains contributions from professionals in the field and foster parents. All who have come together to write about an assortment of topics about foster care.

It is currently for sale on Amazon. There is also a passage; "The Jigsaw Puzzle Child" available for PDF download on their site.

The passage, written by Eileen Mayers Pasztor, DSW, talks about the 10 developmental stages of children and how those stages relate to children in foster care. She gives personal examples from her time as a social worker and as a foster parent. Her main tool in describing the developmental stages in children is called the Jigsaw Puzzle tool. It is used to analyze the differences in development between children who are fortunate enough to experience a good family environment and her son, who was placed in foster care and eventually adopted by her and her husband.  She then goes on to describe the consequences of children whose Jigsaw Puzzle doesn't fit together and how foster parents can utilize this tool to help them with their parenting and understanding of their children.