Celebrating Holidays with Children You Foster

Tip Sheets: Quick References for Parents

Conflicting loyalties and lost dreams often
make the holidays a difficult time for
children in foster care. Just as studies show
that holidays are stressful times for most of us, these
reactions are compounded for youth placed in your
home. Here are some suggestions for the holidays.
How can my family make it easier for the
children in foster care while they are in our
home?
• Talk about the season ahead of time. Talk about
how your family celebrates the holidays. Tell
children which of the traditional holidays your
house recognizes. Is it Thanksgiving? St. Nick’s
Day? Kwanzaa? Hanukah? Christmas? New
Year? Or all of the above? Talking about the
holidays gives children time to anticipate the
upcoming activities and ask questions.
• Help children in foster care imagine what to
expect in your home. Much of what we assume
to be commonplace can be new to the children
you foster.
• Share the religious meanings the holidays may
have for your family. Talk about your family’s
specific customs and activities.
• Use this time of sharing to learn especially
about the religious beliefs, customs, and
activities of the children you foster.
• Try to incorporate at least some of their
traditions into your traditions.
• Some parents try to keep the holidays low key in
order to help minimize some of the stress.
How can we work with birth families during
the holidays?
• Again, ask children about their experiences and
try to incorporate some of their traditions. The
children placed in your home may miss some
activities that they experienced with their
family or in a previous placement.
• If possible, ask your child’s family members
about their holiday traditions and customs. Ask
about their beliefs and observances. Although
you may feel stretched at the holidays, try to
coordinate schedules with the birth families.
This gives the children a chance to share what
is familiar while experiencing new traditions.
• This is a good time for the youth in your home
to make small gifts and send cards to their birth
families or old neighbors and friends.
• This is a time when many children feel
conflicted feelings about their birth families and
worry about them. It is a good time to let the
young person know that it is okay for them to
be safe and cared for even if their family
struggles. Reassure them if you can, about the
safety and care of their birth family.
What are some of the ways I can help the
children who I foster get through the
holidays? What are some signs of grief or
sadness that I can look for?
• Be prepared for the sadness and grief. Talk
about your child’s feelings throughout the
season.
• Give your children time and space to grieve.
Grief takes many forms and may be exhibited
in lots of ways, including:
• Reverting back to younger behaviors
developmentally
• Soiling themselves or bedwetting
• Becoming withdrawn and isolated
• Having temper tantrums
• Being rebellious
• Complaining more than usual
• Try to remember the developmental age of the
children you foster. It will also help you to stay
patient if you keep in mind the challenges of
the season for your child before you react.

thank-you to:
The Foster Care and Adoption Resource Center