Finding Your Tribe

When I was 26 years old, I was diagnosed with an aggressive case of Stage IV endometriosis.

What made my case unique, was that I had never before experienced any health problems.

I was stripped of my ability to conceive swiftly, and unexpectedly.

I was young, single, and completely lost in regards to what I was supposed to do next.

Three years, five surgeries, and two failed IVF cycles later – I am still single, but finally at a point where I am physically healthy again, while also coming to terms with the fact that I will likely never carry a child beneath my heart.

And in the last 3 months, I have started to open myself up to the idea of adopting.

Not just adopting, but adopting from foster care.

Almost entirely because of a friend, who forwarded to me some of the profiles from AFFEC.

Something has changed inside of me, and I can now see myself parenting an older child.

(Photo Courtesy of snapshotsfromourjourney.blogspot.com)

A girl most likely. One who is like I was as a kid – lost and abandoned, angry and confused, but still very much so in need of love and understanding.

I like to think I’ve grown into a pretty healthy and functioning adult, but as a teen and pre-teen girl – I was a train wreck. And I would have given just about anything for a mother’s love.

Suddenly I am realizing, I might just have what it takes to be that for someone else.

Which brings us to now, as I am starting down this new road and looking to build my family through adoption, continuing to write about my journey on the blog I began over 3 years ago.

When I first was faced with endometriosis and infertility, one of the things I quickly discovered was that no one in my life would ever really understand. They all tried so hard, but they just couldn’t get it.

They couldn’t really get me, or what I was going through, or how it all made me ache inside.

It was, hands down, the most isolating feeling I have ever experienced.

But then, I started blogging.

And just like that – this world opened up in front of me. One which was inhabited by women who got me, had been there, and understood.

Blogging was a catalyst to healing for me, and I will always be grateful for the connections it introduced into my life.

It made me realize then, that there is something to be said for finding your tribe – the people walking a similar path to your own in this life. All of our stories are unique, but there is a tie that binds even in that. Finding those connections… it really can change your life. It opens you up to perspectives, stories, and advice you may not otherwise have ever found - a community that can help to guide you, even as they are navigating the same waters themselves.

Which is why I am excited to announce that I will be working with A Family For Every Child to help make those connections even more accessible to you.

We will be putting together a blogroll in the coming weeks, right here, that will help connect you to others who are walking a similar path.

Whether you have your own blog, or are simply a reader, this will be a way to help you find your tribe.

If you want to know more about me and my story, you can find it at my blog (singleinfertilefemale.com), on facebook (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Single-Infertile-Female/110309278986538), or on twitter (@sifinalaska). I tend to write about adoption, infertility, and the perils of dating while single and infertile in Alaska.

And if you want to become a part of forming this community – please e-mail me at:

singleinfertilefemale@yahoo.com

I would love to know who you are, what your story entails, and where you are blogging at.

If you have never started a blog yourself - now might just be the time!

As the blogroll comes to fruition, I would like to eventually section out the stories these blogs are telling.

For instance – are you at the start of your adoption journey, or a seasoned parent by now? Did you adopt an older child? A child with special needs? From foster care? Internationally? Or through a traditional adoption agency?

We would love to know who you are, and what kind of community you personally would like to be connected with.

Beyond that, if your life has changed because of foster care adoption and you would like to share your story in a guest post right here – please let me know that as well. I would love to start arranging some guests posts in the future to even further help make those connections a reality.

We all have our stories to tell – but finding that connecting tie can sometimes make all the difference in the world.

So what are you waiting for? E-mail me already, and let me know if you would like your blog to be included!

I can’t wait to hear your story…

S.I.F.

singleinfertilefemale@yahoo.com

singleinfertilefemale.com

Family Finding

"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family.  Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."  ~Jane Howard

Families come in all shapes and sizes but there is no denying the impact they have on our lives. They are there for you during your highs and lows in life. Unfortunately not all children are fortunate enough to have caring and supportive families and often times these same kids end up in foster care.

Too often kids that enter into the foster care system loose connections to any family members, friends or important persons from their lives before they entered the system. This is why family finding programs such as the ones run by our organization are so important. Our family finding program aims to help keep children in contact with people who were in their life before they entered foster care. Such as extended family members, teachers, coaches, etc. Case workers for these children do try and reach out to these children's families but they are usually more focused on finding placements. Our program serves as an extra means of support for both the case workers and the children. We focus on finding extended family members and friends that will serve as a support system for the kids, not necessarily to find a placement for them.

We instituted our program the year we were founded. It is modeled after the Family Finding program by Kevin Campbell founder of the Seneca Center. He created the strategy in 1999 and since then has inspired and helped many other organizations to implement similar programs such as the United Nations.

Here is a video that explains more about the family finding program at A Family For Every Child:

Other organizations that use similar family finding programs include the Children's Home Society in Charlotte N.C, EMQ Families First of California and the Children Service Society of Wisconsin. The Duke Endowment is also helping organizations in North Carolina by putting more than $3 million dollars towards research for family finding programs.