Why this foster kid blo

when i lived on the streets in the city or in the country, in abandoned buildings, on benches, or in a tent or a piece of shit trailer, i would goto places that had free computers. sometimes to stay warm. sometimes to stay safe. sometimes because i felt so lost and had nothing to do.
….i cant read well, but i played games or looked at pictures of things i wish i had…. safety, beauty, warmth, food, love, family.
sometimes i would get asked to leave, becuase i was probably dirty and smelly and had messy hair. i wasnt mean, i didnt bother anyone, i just needed a place to be. but i wasnt always welcome.
one day while playing on the computers, i came across this Q&A site where people asked questions and other people answered. some q’s were silly. some q’s were sad. some q’s were goofy. some were…. about foster care.

…and most of the answers were wrong

so one day i answered one. then two. then three. then i started answering all the ones i could find. ironically i used the same name i do on my blog. LT. Looneytunes. becuase i love cartoons.

i wrote about my life when i responded to those questions

i wrote with the real answers

nothing smart. nothing book-like. my life

i hung around answering questions for awhile thinking maybe i was telling people something to fix the confusion, the stereotyping, the hate, the total complete lack of understanding and knowledge about foster care and foster kids.

some people even asked me questions directly.

eventually i moved and got a job that i still have(!), and an apartment and my own computer. but i had no frineds. so i kept answering questions about foster care sometimes for hours watching for new ones. i didnt know if the questions were real or fake, but i answered.

.

to make a long story short, shit happened and i left that Q&A site and someone said i should start a blog.

i didnt know what a blog was.

i even asked the person where i get one.

i got directed to wordpress.

then i wrote one.

my first blog i wrote like 2-3 entries (I want to be dead- must read) and the FBI was sent to my apartment because i was writing about suicide. the FBI internet crimes division and a social worker came. the social worker started to cry when she was asking me questions. not because i told her anything detailed, but because sitting on the floor (because the worker was sitting on my futon) in front of her was a product of a failed foster care system.

no pictures hung on the walls. no signs of connection to anyone. i was an alone foster kid with a death wish. she left her card.

that sucked.

i deleted the blog

then i started again

this is where i am

this is/was my life.

this is the face of child abuse.

severe abuse.

this is the face of a child born to a world of drugs and alcohol and poverty.

this is the face of child rape … over and over … and over … and …

this is the face of not being loved.

.

this is the face that people dont want to believe exists.

.

i am foster care.

i was and will always be a foster kid.

worse yet, i will always be one of “those” that no-one ever wanted

— i am the “aged-out” kid

.

i am a product of a system …

a system that both helped me …and hurt me.

a system that both saved me …and gave up on me.

a system that turned its back on me.

… just like everyone else.

but what should you expect, when people– your neighbors or mine –don’t know, don’t understand or turn their backs… on foster kids

“they aint my problem. i take care of my kids”

“i dont want to pay for other peoples mistakes”

“why should they get free college tuition because their parents fucked up”

“they will burn your house, rape your children, and kill your pets”

“you can’t save them”

“they are too damaged”

“they will never love you like kids should”

“they should be grateful they have a bed”

“maybe if they were not so bad, someone would adopt them”

“foster kids? ….. what’s a foster kid?”

you see?

i was a foster kid

i am a foster kid

and if i dont commit suicide,

i will beat all those comments

and

thousands of kids are waiting for people

to help them beat those comments

That is why this blog is here.

Take a look at this face.